Twitter

Follow me on Twitter and I'll follow you:

http://twitter.com/A_Faded_Rose

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Fortune Cookie

Words must be weighed and not counted.

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Latest

Last October or November my husband had an RFA to remove this small tumor/nodule on his lung. I wrote about it in November. Now he has a new cancerous nodule even though he's been going through chemotherapy all this time and we want to have another RFA to remove it. We just found out the insurance company rejected the first one. They called it an experimental procedure. We were shocked. Had we asked for his lung to be removed, they would have covered that because it is standard procedure, but this miracle of modern medicine, this procedure that leaves hole the size of a pin and is done as an outpatient procedure and only costs $1200, they won't cover.

Unfortunately, we don't have $1200 to pay for the last one and we don't have another $1200 to pay for the next one, so I'm trying to raise money. I'm going to start selling my artwork on Etsy (I opened shop a while back, but never listed anything except one little photo), selling my used books on Amazon, and anything that's not nailed down on Ebay. Also, as you can see, I've added ads. Its probably against the rules to ask people to click on the ads, except for the adgitize ones - I can ask you to click those. So, if anything seems of interest, please click.

I'll add links in the coming week to my etsy store, amazon listings and ebay listings. Thank you in advance for your support and prayers. It means a lot to us.

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Correction

Well, the nurse I spoke to didn't have it quite right. It did spread, but its one small nodule on his lung. He can have it removed like he had another one removed. It really is a miracle of modern medicine. They're able to go into his lung leaving only a pintip sized hole in his chest when its all said and done. They burn off the nodule and then its gone. He gets to keep his lung. IIts called an RFA which is a radio frequency ablation, I believe.

We had another scare yesterday late. The doctors thought that he had a blood clot in his aorta near the abdomen. His ultrasound today showed that it was nothing, so we are once again, praying prayers of thanks. It was so wonderful to recieve this news.

If anyone has any questions we can answer, please let me know.

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Cancer

Cancer is so cruel. It gives very few (if any) symptoms until its too late. It gets better then gets worse. It can be removed yet comes back. The treatment is difficult and debilitating.

I just found out that my husband's cancer has spread again. This just 2 months after finding out that it was getting better. He wanted me to call for the pet scan results so that he didn't find out during his office visit, because he felt that it would be bad news. I didn't think about the fact that this would mean I'll be breaking the news to him. Can't do it tonight, we're going out. Can't do it tomorrow, he's been looking forward to tomorrow's plans for weeks. It will have to be tomorrow night. That will give him a few days to process the information before he goes in for chemo.

If I can just keep my shit together until tomorrow night...

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Fortune Cookie

Time makes one wise. Ask advice from someone older than you.

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Fwd: Let's All Wear Purple Hats

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it, live it and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day

Beautiful Women's Month

Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.

Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum I can't go to school looking like this!)

Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway.

Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway.

Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "clean" and goes out anyway.

Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: She looks at herself &sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

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My Weekend

I took off from work Friday and Saturday because I desperately needed a mental vacation. I've been so exhausted and frankly bitter lately. I resent that I don't have time to do what I want so I had big plans and high hopes for this weekend. No housework, no cooking, no errands; I was only going to do what I wanted to do. Well, God has a way of putting me in my place (and I appreciate that) and showing me that my piddly little wants and priorities are not what life is about. I think life is about life; being there for others, spending time together, comforting one another and sharing our experiences.

A dear friend of mine's father was shot last week. Yesterday he passed away, on his birthday. As my husband said, "murder has touched our family." Its a very heavy and disturbing feeling even though we did not know the man personally, it still had a very weighted effect on us.

So, I just wanted to pass this along, on this very special day, Easter Sunday. Spend time with those you love, those who need you and whom you need and love. Life is short and you never know when something unexpected is going to happen. Make amends with your enemies. If you had only one day to live, what would you do with it?

Happy Easter.

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Work in progress...

I thought about why I hadn't posted anything since January and decided it was because I don't like my blog, so I'm giving it a face-lift - a slow, torturous one, that will probably span several weeks/months/years until I get it the way I want it. I allowed people's opinions to push me into adding pictures, color, etc., even though I stuck to my guns about not having a theme. So, today is close to a blank slate. Maybe tomorrow it will become totally blank and I can begin to make it mine.

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Dear God, Thank you!

I pray every night and at least a couple of times during the day, and always try to say "thank you" and count my blessings even when things don't seem to be going very well. THIS Thank you, I felt, needed to be shared.

It is a huge stress when someone in your family is diagnosed with cancer, and you can't help but also stress over the money. Your loved one can't work, bills mount up, collection agencies begin to call, its just unbearable at times. I hate to pray for money, because that just seems wrong, so I prayed for an answer, I prayed for guidance and my prayers were answered.

Our Patient Advocate told us that organizations donate money to families with high deductibles and high out-of-pocket medical costs. She applied to several for us and we received the news yesterday that we were approved for financial assistance for this year!

I'm just so beside myself with relief and joy that I wanted to share the news with everyone. Those who follow my blog have been so supportive and it is so appreciated, too.

So, I just wanted to say, Thank you, God, for all you do for us. I am so grateful, that words just cannot describe it.

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Incentives

I go through long spurts of not being able to accomplish anything. Although my intentions are good, I always manage to talk myself into procrastination. Because of my husband's illness and working longer hours and the dark, grey, depression of winter, I've put off a lot of things that need to be done around here. Things pile up, nothing gets thrown away and I'd clean just enough to not be embarrassed if someone stopped by. I live by the old Erma Bombeck way of thinking, if I clean it up, it'll just get messy again in a week or two, so why bother?! (I love all of her books - she was inspirational when I was growing up, lol).

But then, I go to someone's house that is worse than mine, and I think "how/why would you live this way?!" and I found myself picking things up, throwing things away, and I realized, why don't I just do this at my house? It inspired me like nothing else could. I spent the day throwing things away: junk mail, freebies I had collected from here and there, old straws, matchbooks, and I started finding a lot of things that I had "borrowed" ages ago from people, so I started bagging those items to be returned to their owners (bet they'll be surprised).

I think it was therapeutic in a way. Clutter can bring you down and make you feel like you're buried and when life is a little rough anyway, breaking through the clutter can be liberating and gave me a fresh outlook.

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Far Behind

I'm so far behind on my "to do" list because I basically have done nothing but watch movies during the holiday off days. It was very relaxing and rejuvenating and totally necessary. I have so much to write about but don't have time enough this morning. So, coming up, I want to share what I thought about the endless number of movies I watched the past 2 weeks, one book review (I felt it was a total scam) and an update on my husband's chemo, etc. I'm starting to think I can keep this blog, but then maybe I should make additional blogs to categorize the things I write about. But then, I start thinking that would be a lot of extra work. What do you think?

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